Am I gay – why do I have an amorous curiosity towards the same gender?
Recently, I find myself having deep emotional feelings for the same sex beings. When I am with certain women, I desire to touch and hold them in affectionate ways. It has presented a question in my mind – am I gay? Why am I feeling these deep emotional connections and desires to love and be loved by these women. I want to lie with them and caress and hold them in my arms. I want to hug and cuddle with them and feel their warmth beside me. I do not think it is a sexual thing, as I do not dream of being with a women sexually, I still dream of being with a man and I do have to say I still prefer the magic of a penis and the thrill of being taken by masculine assertiveness and penetration. Maybe I am bi-sexual?
My research over this mystery came across some very interesting and enlightening information. Apparently, with the opening of your consciousness and awareness, in opening your heart fully and coming to a state of compassion and unconditional love, you do not “see” the division between yourself and others. You are becoming one with all and all becomes one with you. So you may be having feelings of love and affection for same sex people. You have a desire to hug them and kiss them and hold them in your arms. You may be curious as to how far you would take this attraction, but then you realize that there is actually no sexual attraction, that to have sexual relations with the same sex partner is not where you want to take it because it is more about affection and emotional connection than it is about sex.
It is natural and common for ones whom open themselves up fully in heart space and compassion to have these feelings. It is the point of where you are becoming more universally aware, finding no beginning nor end to you and them. It becomes a consciousness of “all of us” a non-duality consciousness. You are experiencing the world as a single, dynamic organism without any sense of separation or duality.
You have inner peace, see everyone as equal, you are seeking community and group / communal experiences. Without boundaries or separation, you are beginning to merge into all that is. There is no more seeking acceptance and belonging because you know there is none of that, that there is no more them and me, we are all one. You are integrating into the consciousness of unconditional love and Oneness of Being. You seek to experience the wholeness of existence through mind, body and spirit, love and compassion, without any more separation. “We are all ONE!” is your inherent belief now and you are yearning for this experience on the physical level.
It is about loving affection and not sexuality. It is about experiencing your SELF as both distinct and also a blended part of a larger compassionate whole. It is about viewing everything as connected to everything else and seeing the incredibly beautiful ecological alignments.
You are beginning to MERGE back into wholeness and group consciousness or at least, getting glimpses of the process now. Letting go and allowing this to transform, will bring you to your greatest understanding of unconditional love and of your chosen sexual preference OR the freedom in not having to choose at all!