For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to be the best human being that I could BE. As a teenager, I was concerned with beauty – myself as well as my surroundings, sitting in front of the mirror for hours and decorating my bedroom in the latest colors and styles. I wanted to know the rules of this game of life, studying etiquette and Universal Laws. I wanted to know how to get rich and then later – what was the way I could be the best parent. I was on a quest, searching for how to DO this life right and to the highest fulfillment that I could. If only I could just discover how to BE, then I could BE it. I just wanted to know how to live life right, so I would not be wasting my time. I felt this urgency in the core of my being.
I would read and research all I could find, then compile it into one set of rules. I would merge all the knowledge I happened upon and make a summary of the highest knowledge. I created systems to allow my physical life to flow on automatic, so that I could let go and live in freedom, tasting moments of peace & serenity, giving me a sense of complete happiness. My underlying belief was this physical life is hard and a whole lot of work and my frustration with it all, kept me searching, knowing there has to be an easier way. I pleaded, “just tell me the rules of this dense physical world so I can play them and get on with my REAL life of the other side (spiritual beingness). I pondered, “what if I could live in this dense physical plane and play the game of life through my spiritual beingness. What if I discovered a way for my spiritual beingness to be the one experiencing the life of being a human.
When I was 15, I was knelt at my bedside saying my evening prayers when I had an experience of my SELF, up in the corner of my bedroom ceiling, looking down and witnessing myself in that human experience. I realized at that point that there was 2 of ME: one my spiritual body and the other my physical body. I also realized that the spirit body up there in the ceiling corner was the “main character” and that the physical body form was operating on automatic, separate from the spiritual ME that I was identified with at that moment. I was the captain and the witness to the one below.
When the physical I finished the prayer verse and my body was making its way to stand up, my spiritual body flashed back into its place inside the body container in the physical form. It was not scary for me, just an awakening to new knowledge. This lead me on a new lifetime quest, on a new journey to seek Who was that in the ceiling corner and who was that at the bedside. And why did they separate and how did they come back together again.
I still seek the rules of life and seek the answers to how to live this human life well and how can I BE the best human being that I can BE. There is also the added query to understand the emergence of 2 worlds into one – the spirit of ME: who I really AM and the body of ME: who I am in this physical plane. I have many questions and the seeking does not end and so, this is also the quest at the Heart Of Being.